ある訃報

　Obituary

　It was a sudden news. The moment I parked my car in the parking lot, my cell phone rang.
My mother has passed away," he said.

　It was my college sweetheart. It was my college girlfriend's death call. I drove straight to her apartment, not knowing where it was since I hadn't been there in ten years, and asked for the address at a convenience store.

　When I got to the funeral home, I looked inside the casket and saw her lying there. I couldn't believe it. The average life expectancy of women is longer than that of men, so I took it for granted that she would be alive until I died.

　I had met her in college. I fell in love with her, but we broke up for some reason. Then, 20 years later, we met again. Although 20 years had passed since we parted incomplete, I still had feelings for her. And another 20 years have passed. I thought that we would become tea-drinking friends, sipping tea and talking about our youthful days in our old age. However, that kind of old age was never going to come.

　Life is shorter than I had imagined when I was a teenager. The number of people I met there was also smaller than I had imagined. The number of people I could talk to in a frank and open manner was probably more than I could count on five fingers. When it comes to the opposite sex, I think one or two people is about average. Now that she is gone, I am keenly aware that she was one of them.

　We went to a public bath together, to a coffee shop, to a movie, and to a swimming pool. We went to Kenrokuen Garden in Kanazawa, Ishikawa Prefecture, and to the morning market in Wajima. There are so many memories, but they are the memories of just the two of us, so when she passed away, they became events that only I know. They became memories that no one else could share.

　She is lying in the cemetery. After her marriage, her husband became mentally ill and could not recover, and her daughter was also ill and her life was full of care. She paid her pension and died when she was old enough to receive it. I think I am very lucky to be able to see my grandchildren. When she saw me again after 20 years.
"I feel like I've seen a little light from the dark tunnel.
　She said. I really hope I was able to be a little light...

　I feel like the long story is over.

訃報

　それは突然の知らせだった。駐車場に車を停めた瞬間に携帯が鳴った。

「母が亡くなりました」

　と言った。私の大学時代の恋人の死を告げる電話だった。私は車をそのまま走らせて彼女のマンションに向かった。１０年前に行ったきりだったので場所が分からずコンビニで住所を尋ねながら向かった。

　葬儀場に向かい棺の中をのぞいたら彼女が横たわっていた。信じられなかった。女性の方が平均寿命が長いので自分が死ぬまで彼女は生きているのが当たり前だと思っていた。

　彼女とは大学時代に知り合った。恋に落ちたのだけれど訳あって別れた。そして、２０年後に再会した。不完全燃焼のまま別れてから２０年経ったものの気持ちが残っていた。そして、また２０年が過ぎた。老後にお茶でもすすりながら若い頃の話をするような茶飲み友達になっていくのだろうと思っていた。しかし、そんな老後は永遠に来なくなった。

　１０代の頃に想像したより人生は短い。そこで知り合う人の数も想像より少なかった。腹を割って話せる人は誰にとっても５本の指で数えられるくらいではないだろうか。それも異性となると、１人か２人くらいが平均的な話だと思う。亡くなって、彼女がその一人だったことを痛感する。

　私たちは一緒に銭湯に行き、喫茶店に行き、映画を見て、プールに行った。石川県の金沢の兼六園や輪島の朝市に行った。思い出はいっぱいあるけれど、それは二人だけの思い出なので彼女が亡くなると私しか知らない出来事となってしまった。誰にも共有できない思い出になってしまった。

　彼女は墓地の中に眠っている。結婚したら夫が精神的な病気で再起不能となり、娘さんも病で介護ばかりの人生だったように思う。年金は支払うだけ支払って、受け取る年齢になったら亡くなった。孫の顔を見れている自分は本当に幸福だと思う。彼女は私と２０年ぶりに再会した時に

「暗いトンネルから少し光が差した気がする」

　と、言っていた。本当に少しでも光となれていたのだったら良いのだけれど・・・

　長いストーリーが終わった気がする。